Tag Archives: life

“L” is for – Living, Laying, Letting and Love!!

#AtoZChallenge 2019 Tenth Anniversary blogging from A to Z challenge letter

#AtoZChallenge “L”

I am proud of the fact that as a Catholic Christian, everyday I am a testament to God’s grace and love. I am also proud that everyday I am striving to live and hold on to the Living Word of God as evidenced in the song of the same name by Jeremy Camp.

Everyday I must remember that I need to be  “Laying down my pride” when dealing with anything that I think is unfair because I know that my Higher Power whom I chose to call God has my back!!!! Lay Down My Pride – Jeremy Camp

 

As a recovering alcoholic and addict that is also thriving not just surviving with HIV/AIDS, being bipolar and bouts with deep depression, it is so important that I do remember that sometimes it is okay to be Letting go!!  Jeremy Camp’s Letting Go!!!

 

It amazes me every day that even when I am not my best self and when I feel like all is for naught, I am always reminded that 1) my God does love me and has a purpose for me although I do not know what it is; 2) I am truly blessed with a man who has loved me from day one even with all of my blemishes and faults; 3) I have the most loving and supportive family and friends without whose support and love, who knows where I would be!!!! So yes, “What Have I Done to Deserve Love Like This???” – Lauren Daigle

 

That’s what’s in”My Rattled Cage”, thanks for stopping by!!

A to Z 2019

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“I” is for – “I Can Only Imagine”

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#AtoZChallenge “I”

I am very open about my Catholic faith and how I know that while I am a gay man with multiple problems from addictions to mental health issues, My God and His Son Jesus Christ love me anyways. I also am aware that God does not make any mistakes – we are all here for a reason that only he knows.

I first heard I Can Only Imagine by Mercy Me in the spring of 1999 almost a year after my mother had passed on May 10th, 1998 which happened to be Mother’s Day here in the US. I started balling my eyes out because, while I knew the song was about meeting God and Jesus at death, I immediately began imagining what it would be like to see my mother again, my grandfathers, my brother that passed when I was six months old and even friends who I had lost to the HIV/AIDS epidemic. To this day 20 years later, this song can still bring me to tears and when I sing it, all of my dogs come running to me.

Mercy Me’s I Can Only Imagine was written and composed by lead vocalist Bart Millard, the song, based around a main piano track, was inspired by the death of Millard’s father and considers what it would be like in Heaven and to be standing before God. For your enjoyment here is Bart Millard telling the story behind the song along with the video.

 

That’s what’s in “My Rattled Cage”, thanks for stopping by!!!

A to Z 2019

“H” is for – He Knows! How Can It Be? and Here Am I!!

#AtoZChallenge “H”

I am so happy that no matter what I am going through, I know that He Knows and He is never going to give me anything that I cannot handle!! I love this song by Jeremy Camp – He Knows!!

 

On those days when I truly feel like my life is really crazy and I don’t understand why God would even love me  because of the manic episodes and the depression, I just need to ask my God how can it be? Lauren Daigle’s – How Can It Be!!

 

During this time of Lent I am so blessed to be able to tell my God “Here Am I – send Me”. It is so important for me to be able to be open, honest and so proud of my faith that gotten me through so much in my life. Yes, here am I – send me and use me in whatever way that you see fit!!!! Mercy Me’s – Here Am I!

That’s what’s in “My Rattled Cage”, thanks for stopping by!!

#AtoZChallenge 2019 Tenth Anniversary badge

“D” is for DOGS

#AtoZChallenge 2019 Tenth Anniversary blogging from A to Z challenge letter D

#AtoZChallenge – “D”

I bet nobody can guess what my post for the letter “D” will be about. Of course you can!! Today’s post is of course going to be about two of the five of my most favorite creatures in the world, my four-legged babies, that most humans would just call DOGS!!! Please enjoy the video link below.

Birthday song video for Sadie and Stitchy on 4/2/2019

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On Monday April 1st our youngest Sadie and Stitchy, sister and brother, turned 2 years old. One of my favorite pictures is when they were babies and they wanted to eat my Oscar the Grouch puppet. 

Every year on their birthday or around the time they came into our home our dogs receive their own birthday cake meatloaf that they share with there pack mates. The only ingredients are ground beef, unsalted crackers, eggs, peanut butter and milk. After cooking it is iced with white icing and then decorated with ketchup. I have been doing this for years and they love it!!!

The last picture is of course our Crissy, Stitchy, Sadie, Zailey and Little Bitty!!

Of course yes I do have a song. The very first song released by Cat Stevens in 1967 – I Love My Dog for your enjoyment!!!

That’s what’s in “My Rattled Cage”, thanks for stopping by!!

#AtoZChallenge 2019 Tenth Anniversary badge

“B” is for BRAVE

#AtoZChallenge 2019 Tenth Anniversary blogging from A to Z challenge letter B

10th Anniversary Blogging from A to Z – “B”

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As many folks know, I am an open book about every aspect of my life. I am willing to share my EXPERIENCE, STRENGTH and HOPE about my struggles with chronic relapsing and returns to recovery from alcoholism and addiction to cocaine. I freely discuss my struggles with being bipolar and the depression that can be debilitating and baffling at times.

I gladly discuss my being a very proud, open and out gay man that has been with his partner for over 18 years (yes, someone has put up with me for that long besides my family). We have our struggles but that is life. I love talking about and sharing pictures of our five beautiful four-legged babies Crissy, Little Bitty, Zailey, Sadie and my boy Stitchy!!!

I am never a hesitant to discuss the fact that I have been thriving not just surviving with HIV/AIDS for over 22 years and all of the issues I have had with medication regimens and how I have been able live openly with the disease  and never be ashamed to share that fact because it is not what makes me who I am. All of these are things that are part of who I am.

Here is a where the word BRAVE comes into this post. All the time, I hear people tell me that I am so brave to be so open and honest as an open book. I do not see it as being BRAVE, I see it as being my authentic self!!

For your enjoyment Sara Bareilles’ “BRAVE!!!!!

 

That’s what’s in “My Rattled Cage”, thanks for stopping by!!!

 

A to Z 2019

Late SOCS 3/23/19 – Flo from Progressive

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So you are probably wondering why Flo from Progressive is presented here. Well the last piece of mail that I received was an advertisement sating that I could get car insurance for $79.00 per month.

Car insurance, we all have to have it, it is the law. But how do you determine what company to go with. Obviously we look at what features are included in your coverage, can you pay monthly or is it an every six months billing type of situation? But most of all we want to know how much it is going to cost to insure our four wheeled child.

My Cecilia is a 1995 Ford Taurus with over 188K miles on her. She has bee through the ringer because my brother in laws children have pretty much tore the inside ceiling of the car. She has some dings but, she gets me from paint a to point be for the most part. On Thursday I went to a job fair in the morning and then to an interview later in the afternoon. I was going to take the back roads to the interview but the traffic lights were not working in my favor so at one point I got on the freeway the rest of the way there and made it with 10 minutes to spare. On the way home I did take the back roads and less than three miles from my house, poor Cecilia said she had had enough and so we waited in the parking lot of a funeral home for the tow truck to get us home.

The reason Flo is looking like that in her picture is that I told her, girl $79 per month, I pay $15 less than that with USAA, why in the world would I switch. She was not happy!! I love USAA, I bank with them and now my car insurance is with them and they are fantastic and yes of course my towing is covered up to 11 miles.

 

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#SoCS

#FOWC – Symptom

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“Though our decision (to stop our drinking with this program of recovery – my words) was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions. Therefore, we started upon a personal inventory. This was Step Four.”

I say all the time that I can do Steps 1, 2 and 3 every day all day, however Step Four has always been the hardest for me and now I am about to embark on it again because, I know that since 2016 when I turned 50 and removed 2 1/2 years of sobriety and began the vicious cycle of chronic relapses and forays into recovery, that I have a lot to inventory and take accountability for. It will be hard and I am sure I will sad, angry and even hurt by what has to put down on paper, but I also know that when it is done – I will be further along in my journey to sustained recovery.

Big Book Personal Stories Part III – Freedom from Bondage p. 544

I relate so much to the first two paragraphs of this personal story from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous linked above. I guarantee you that if in my teens or early twenties I had been diagnosed as bipolar with tendencies to have bouts of depression, I don’t know that I would have been as prone to have the issues with alcoholism and addiction to cocaine that I have struggled with so much intermittently in my 30’s, 40’s and now early in my 50’s. Then again, Maybe I would have. As I always say, I am forever a work in progress!!!

That’s what’s in “My Rattled Cage”, thanks for stopping by!!

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#FOWC