Everyday I must remember to “lay down my pride” when dealing with anything that I think is unfair because I know that my Higher Power whom I chose to call God has my back!!!!
For your pleasure a little Christian Rock with Jeremy Camp’s – Lay Down My Pride!!
That’s what’s in “My Rattled Cage”, thanks for stopping by!!
Blogging from A to Z April 2018
What makes a person qualified? Who determines that a person is qualified to do a specific job, to speak on a specific subject or to share their experiences. Ultimately it is the individual. One will apply for positions because they feel that they are qualified. Most people will not discuss topics unless they truly believe they know what they are talking about, because no one likes to seem like a fool. There are those of us who just have that gut feeling that they can possibly touch others by sharing their experience, strength and hope by telling their entire story with no reservations.
Let me preface this by saying, I am not arrogant nor do I think I have all the answers when it comes to recovery from alcoholism and addiction. What I will say is this, my story is my story and I am proud to say that while there have been many ups and downs in recovery and life in general, I am here and that is through the grace of my Higher Power whom I choose to call God and because I am unabashed about sharing who I am and where I have been along with where I want to go – I feel this makes me extremely qualified to share.
I am always blessed when I can speak of my troubles with my alcoholism, cocaine addiction, being bipolar and of course that double edged sword of depression. I love that I am a work in progress, I will never be perfect but with the help of my fellows and my faith, I continue to grow in recovery every day.
That’s what’s in “My Rattled Cage” today, thanks for stopping by!!
Blogging from A to Z April 2018 Challenge
The Merriam Webster Dictionary defines KALEIDOSCOPE as:
1 : an instrument containing loose bits of colored material (such as glass or plastic) between two flat plates and two plane mirrors so placed that changes of position of the bits of material are reflected in an endless variety of patterns.
2 : something resembling a kaleidoscope: such as
b : a succession of changing phases or actionsc : a diverse collection
I love this word because for me, in my life of over 51 years I have been a kaleidoscope and have b in many kaleidoscopic settings. I remember when I was younger and my grandmothers or parents would buy me those toy kaleidoscopes. I loved looking through the hole and seeing the many beautiful patterns of colors. Ever interchanging making new patterns. Often times those kaleidoscopes were a reprieve from the things going on in my childhood. That is for a different post or multiple posts in general.
When I was younger, long before I ever started drinking or using any other type of drug, I used to do things that I knew were wrong because I thrived for attention. Good or bad, it didn’t matter. I was actually a pretty good shop lifter and check passer in my late teens. These activities wound up landing me in the Texas Department of Criminal Justice Institutional Division. I spent time on some of the worst units within the system, and lived with such a kaleidoscope of individuals of every race and mental persuasion. I never once had issues, not because I was a gay man, but because I knew how to respect myself and others while making sure I was never taken advantage of.
I have worked in many different fields over the years, fast food, retail, higher education, call centers. Think about in every one of those jobs, again there was such a diverse kaleidoscope of individuals that I worked with and constituents that I served.
As I have gotten older and have been loved by my husband of 17 years, Cruz, I have learned that I have facets of a kaleidoscope in my life. As some who is clinically diagnosed with bipolar affectation disorder, depression that often can be deep and of that huge elephant that I am so proud to be honest and open about my struggles with and current recovery from alcoholism and cocaine addiction. This is where my life is something resembling a a kaleidoscope because of the succession of changing phases and scenes.
I am proud to be the kaleidoscope that I am because I know that my Higher Power whom I choose to call God does not make mistakes. My God thinks that I am a most perfect and beautiful ever-changing kaleidoscope that is a continuous work in progress.
That’s what’s in my “My Rattled Cage” today, thanks for stopping by.
The Merriam Webster Dictionary defines the adjective inchoate as being only partly in existence or operation or imperfectly formed or formulated.
This word is very interesting to me and fits into two aspects of my life. As a recovering alcoholic and cocaine addict diagnosed with bipolar affectation disorder with depression that often is deep and long, I feel as though I am inchoate. You see when I am deep in my disease of alcoholism and addiction, often brought on by my mental illness issues, I feel as though my existence is nonexistent. Does this make sense?
As a gay man who knew at the age of six that he was different and has had many struggles over the years, I have also felt as though I was imperfectly formed mentally and otherwise. However, when I became strong in my faith in my Higher Power whom I choose to call God, I realized that I am not imperfectly formed. I am just how God intended for me to be. I am a 51-year-old gay man that has been married to his husband for over 17 years, with seven dogs and I have been thriving not just surviving with HIV/AIDS for over 21 years. All of this along with my demons of alcoholism and addiction and the mental illness are just facets of my life for which I ask God to continue to help me remain clean and sober just for today, while asking for his grace to be over me at all times.
The second aspect is my writing. I love to write and have many things that I can write about. The issue is that because I do not write every day or as much as I would like my writing may sometimes be inchoate. Yet writing is an art form that improves with time and content. I am a personal writer, I have some pretty strong political opinions that for some reason have held back on, and I am not afraid to share who am with any because my story may actually help someone else struggling in the same areas.
This is what is in “My Rattled Cage” today, thanks for stopping by!!
Blogging from A to Z April 2018 Challenge
Every day I am blessed that My Higher Power whom I chose to call God is with me on this incredible and sometimes difficult journey of recovery from alcoholism and cocaine addiction. This journey also includes dealing with having bipolar affectation disorder and some deep depression that still comes on even though I am on Lithium and Bupropion, while thriving not just surviving with HIV/AIDS for over 21 years..
That being said, I am also blessed to have a very loving and supportive family that has always seen me through THICK and THIN!!!!
This is what is in “My Rattled Cage” today, thanks for stopping by!!!