Tag Archives: depression

#AtoZChallenge & #1LinerWeds – 4/17/19

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#AtoZChallenge & #1LinerWeds 4/17/19

I am so excited that today my journey begins to a mouth full of new pearly whites by having my remaining teeth removed, but enough about me!!

“O” is for OVERCOMER!!! Thriving, not just surviving with HIV/AIDS for over 22 years, being bipolar and dealing with off and on bouts of depression and of course my issues with chronic relapses and return to recovery – I know that YES I AM AN OVERCOMER!!!!

 

That’s what’s in “My Rattled Cage”, thanks for stopping by!!!

A to Z 2019

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“B” is for BRAVE

#AtoZChallenge 2019 Tenth Anniversary blogging from A to Z challenge letter B

10th Anniversary Blogging from A to Z – “B”

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As many folks know, I am an open book about every aspect of my life. I am willing to share my EXPERIENCE, STRENGTH and HOPE about my struggles with chronic relapsing and returns to recovery from alcoholism and addiction to cocaine. I freely discuss my struggles with being bipolar and the depression that can be debilitating and baffling at times.

I gladly discuss my being a very proud, open and out gay man that has been with his partner for over 18 years (yes, someone has put up with me for that long besides my family). We have our struggles but that is life. I love talking about and sharing pictures of our five beautiful four-legged babies Crissy, Little Bitty, Zailey, Sadie and my boy Stitchy!!!

I am never a hesitant to discuss the fact that I have been thriving not just surviving with HIV/AIDS for over 22 years and all of the issues I have had with medication regimens and how I have been able live openly with the disease  and never be ashamed to share that fact because it is not what makes me who I am. All of these are things that are part of who I am.

Here is a where the word BRAVE comes into this post. All the time, I hear people tell me that I am so brave to be so open and honest as an open book. I do not see it as being BRAVE, I see it as being my authentic self!!

For your enjoyment Sara Bareilles’ “BRAVE!!!!!

 

That’s what’s in “My Rattled Cage”, thanks for stopping by!!!

 

A to Z 2019

#FOWC – Radar

ra·dar: /ˈrāˌdär/ – noun

  1. A system for detecting the presence, direction, distance, and speed of aircraft, ships, and other objects, by sending out pulses of high-frequency electromagnetic waves that are reflected off the object back to the source.

  2. An apparatus used for radar. Plural noun: radars

  3. Used to indicate that someone or something has or has not come to the attention of a person or group.

Related imageAs a person who not only suffers from being bipolar with depression but also has struggled through chronic relapses and forays into recovery, I always believed that my drinking or using was going on under the RADAR unless of course I was truly drunk or otherwise. Only a true sick person would not see that their behaviors when using never change and they always on their loved ones radar.

On Saturday 3/16/2019 I picked up a new 60 day chip, my 60 days was actually on 3/9 but I wanted to get my chip during our monthly BBQ at my home group The Goliad Group. It is so great to have people in your life that never judge you no matter how many times you fall and get back up!!!

That’s what’s in “My Rattled Cage”, thanks for stopping by!!!

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#FOWC

#FOWC – Blot

Related imageSome days I feel just like this ink-blot painting full of a variety of colors, excitement and happiness!!!

Related imageOther days, I feel as though the phantom BLOT has taken over me when my manic episodes are in play and the depression is trying to creep in – in turn trying to trigger some use of alcohol or other substance.

My goal daily is to keep the phantom blot at bay by sticking to my routines that work, and I have found that this is the most important key of my day!!!

That’s what’s in “My Rattled Cage”, thanks for stopping by!!!

#FOWC – Health (Physical, Emotional and Mental)

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Areas of Physical, Mental and Emotional Health

This post is a little late because I have just been lazy and tired the last couple of days. Part of that is because of dealing with a situation that threw me for a loop on Sunday morning at my normal parish church St. Cecilia Catholic Church in San Antonio, Texas. That is a different story and a different post.

When I saw this prompt, I thought how appropriate considering the weekend that I had had. I am very honest and open about being bipolar, fighting depression, recovering alcoholic and addict while also thriving not just surviving with HIV/AIDS for over 22 years. These aspects of my life make it vey clear that I have to be cognoscente and diligent in how I manage these three areas of my health. My physical, emotional and mental health have to be at the forefront of everything that I do.

I wish I could tell you which one of these three are the most important, but the truth is that everyday it varies. One day the depression can be so bad that the mental health takes center stage. Another day I can be so drained and tired even though I have done nothing that my physical health takes center stage. Then there are the days that the feelings are so manic that the emotional health takes center stage. Very seldom do all three aspects of my health take center stage together like the actors in a play at the end when they take their bows.

What I do know is that even when one aspect is taking center stage all three must be attended to or else my self will runs riot which is the reason I have had such a struggle with chronic relapsing over the years. My physical health is best when I am compliant with taking all of my medications as directed; when I exercise whether it be doing yard therapy or walking the dogs – which is therapy in itself, making sure that I am eating right. My current goal is to maintain my healthy weight of 180lbs and holding onto my size 34 waist – yes, I am bit vain when it comes to my weight. The highest I have been was almost 260lbs and I have fluctuated over the years with my most weight loss coming when I was deep into my addiction.

My mental health and emotional health while be separate, they are also extremely connected to each other. In order to maintain my mental health, again, I need to be compliant with my mental health medications. We recently simplified my regime so that I am not taking so many pills but an taking the exact same dosage. I also have to make sure that I am making all of my appointments with my chemical dependency therapist Stacy Jouffray and my psychiatrist Dr. Cervando Martinez. Another area that assists me with my mental health is my blog because it is very cathartic for me when  I share my experience, strength and hope with others through my writing.

My emotional must be maintained by having healthy relationships with my sisters, their husbands, my nieces and their children and families. I need to work at being better at calling my father who will be 79 in April. I work daily on my relationship with my husband of over 18 years along with his mother who love as though she were my own mother. Maintaining close relationships with my best friend Yoli and my friends the Sisters of The Holy Spirit, my other friends that I may not see often but we have been friends for 20 years now. I also need to maintain my relationships with my fellows in Alcoholics Anonymous. My most important relationship has got to be the one that I have with my Higher Power whom I choose to call God.  If I am working on all three of these along with my mental and physical health then every day I can state this with certainty “JUST FOR TODAY, I WILL REMAIN CLEAN AND SOBER!!!”

That’s what’s in “My Rattled Cage”, thanks for stopping by!!!!

 

Fitness Word Map

The ranges of Physical Health

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The Wheel of Emotions

 

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Ranges of Mental Health

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#FOWC – Health

 

A New 30 Day Chip!!!

Some weekends just fall right into place and everything you do or say is right on time. This weekend was one of those weekends. It has been very cold in San Antonio for the last few days which has given me the chance to work on a couple of things and to celebrate one new very important thing. I write often and say how I am an open book and while I understand that a lot of what I write or even talk about may be a hinderance to my current situation of looking for employment in my field even though I am working with Social Security for Disability.

If does not come through and I must keep fighting or re-apply in a few months – then I must be able bring money into our home. When I am not working, I feel very useless and unproductive because I am not one to truly rely on anybody unless I just must. Unfortunately, over the years because of my depression, bipolar affectation disorder, chronic spine issues and of course my issues of chronic relapse, there have plenty of times that I have had to be totally reliant upon my husband. Mind you, Cruz has been a true angel and savior for me, but I do not like putting that pressure on him.

So back to this last weekend. On Saturday I spent most of the day working on the layout of “My Rattled Cage” and I am in love with the way it looks and the new additions to the site. Sunday, I started off in the “Each One Teach One” video meeting with Global Steps AA on InTheRooms.com, Then I went to 8AM mass at St. Cecilia Catholic Church, which is a every Sunday routine for me. After I attended the “A Spiritual Life” video meeting.

30DayChip

The most important thing that I did was to attend a Closed Meeting with my home group, The Goliad Group to pick up a BRAND-NEW 30-Day Chip. I am truly blessed that I have a meeting place that is less than 10 minutes from my house. I more blessed because no matter how long it takes me to get back to my home group, they always welcome me with open arms. That is the greatest thing about the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, no matter if you are going to a face to face meeting or attending online video meetings – you are always welcomed back and strongly encouraged to “Keep Coming Back, It Works if you Work It!!!”

FullSerenityPrayer

This morning as I was preparing to write this post, I was searching for a good picture of the Serenity Prayer and I actually found the full version and it just reminded me that yes the promises can come true if you simply work the program and keep your relationship with your Higher Power, whom I choose to call God.

That’s what’s in “My Rattled Cage”, thanks for stopping by!!!

#JusJoJan 2019 – Jan. 31st – Highlight

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Today is the last day of #JuJoJan and I had several hightlights in my blog this month. Since I go through really dry spells, one of favorite highlights is that I reached 50+ followers on January 24th.

While some would say that I am an attention hog, okay – I am! I was ecstatic when our #JuJoJan fearless leader Linda G. Hill liked and commented on my posts from the 26th and the 29th. The comment on the 26th I actually saw on my Twitter feed before I saw it on my Word Press notifications on my phone.

My greatest highlight from this month is that I began writing and sharing again about my struggles with depression, being bipolar, alcoholism and addiction. I am a firm believer that we never know who we are going to touch through our written word, spoken word and most definitely our actions. I am truly blessed to have this cathartic means of artistic ability through my writing. 

That’s what’s in “My Rattled Cage”, thanks for stopping by!!

 

 

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#JusJoJan 2019 Daily Prompt – Jan. 31st