Very late SoCS 6/16/2018 – Reservation

socs-badge-2017-18-e1503097084778This is a late post to #SoCS for 6/16/2018

It has been a long time since my last post. The STRUGGLE continues to be EXTREMELY real in regards to the manic episodes, trying to stay clean and sober, dealing with unemployment. The largest struggle I am having lately is dealing with my RESERVATION to do the real type of writing that I love.

I believe I am very good at writing about myself as evidenced by the likes and comments I have received over the years on this and my prior blog “What’s Rattling My Cage“. I am an open book in regards to my addictions to alcohol and cocaine, along with my being diagnosed with being bipolar and often times deep depression.

What I long to write about is more politically inclined both positive and negative about our current American administration and even past administrations. While I do not get paid for my writing, this is still a form of FREE PRESS which is currently and has been under attack by President Donald Trump since long before he was elected. He is constantly tweeting about the fake news and liars and how nobody is giving him a fair shake, etc. I will share an example with you which I posted to my Facebook page from Yahoo News.

Pittsburgh Post-Gazette fires editorial cartoonist critical of President Trump

My caption in my post on Facebook was as follows:

“This is a pre-cursor of what is to come with our protected free press in the United States of America. We need columnists and satirists that are willing to allow others to see all points of view whether they are positive or critical of our nation’s leadership!!!”

Even in  this arena if you are critical of the current administration or even positive about the previous administration – specifically Barack Obama’s, people are extremely either left or right. I understand that, but we as writers are supposed to engage the reader and incite our readers to seek the truth and not only rely on what they read in a single paper or see on a single network.

It is imperative the we as humans everywhere in the world are always willing to search and find that truth. There are tweets from the President of the United States everyday that are FAKE NEWS  and just so damn narcissistic. Networks like Fox News and others eat it up and when other networks such as NBC, MSNBC, ABC, and CBS call him on his shit he calls them liars and purveyors of FAKE NEWS.

I suppose I need to move away from my reservations and start writing what I want to write and just smile with the good reviews and laugh and accept the bad reviews.

On a great note I am returning to a company that I worked for over 25 years ago, Luby’s Cafeteria, doing what I already love to do – cooking. I am excited for orientation today and to get moving because I believe that I can work my up to a Manager In Training.

That’s what’s in “My Rattled Cage“, thanks for stopping by!!!!

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#SoCS April 28/18 & Blogging from A to Z April 2018: Yo

Yo-Yo-Yo2            Yo-Yo-Yo3yo-yo-yoYo-Yo-Yo4

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Yo, yo-yo, yo-yo-yo don’t stress, be happy!!! We as people are the cause of most all of stress. I’d like to know why!!

That’s what’s in “My Rattled Cage” today, thanks for stopping by!!!

 

              #SoCS April 28/18            Blogging from A to Z April 2018

 

 

 

 

 

Blogging from A to Z April 2018 Challenge: “X”

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Blogging from A to Z April 2018 Challenge

So today, I was all set to write about the horrible epidemic of XENOPHOBIA that has overtaken the United States of America in recent years. But then I said to myself, “Gregory, it is Friday so let’s post something fun and positive.”  So, here you go:

I want to be playing my Xylophone in some exotic XANADU location such as those pictured below!!!!

 

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That’s what’s in “My Rattled Cage” today, thanks for stopping by!!!

 

 

Blogging from A to Z April 2018: Wonder

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Blogging from A to Z April 2018

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Throughout your life have you ever wondered why you are who you, or why you have become the person you are with all of your faults and  all of your assets?

So, if I ever took the time to write my autobiography, it would be a tear jerker, a thriller and definitely a roller coaster of emotions. But before I can ever do that, I have to make some clear statements/inquisitions regarding my lifelong wonders.

To begin with, I am very well aware that I was a mistake. My mother was taking the pill when I was conceived in December 1965. My father was in the United States Navy at the time and I suppose he and mother did what most Navy couples do while the seaman is on leave. I wonder why it took me until the age of 3 1/2 to 4 to learn how to walk and even talk? My parents, grandparents and sisters say that I would just sit and grunt or cry if I wanted something up to a specific age.

I wonder why throughout my childhood, it seemed that my parents never wanted me around. I spent an awful lot of my childhood at one specific house locked in my bedroom – which really was a half room off of the garage. I remember distinctly that the cockroaches would come in from the garage and crawl all over the rom and sometimes on me. To this day it is my husband’s job to deal with roaches and any type of critter that gets in the house. I wonder why I never lived a true childhood? What I will say about my childhood is that I never had to guess whether my sisters Lori and Cindy loved their baby brother.

I wonder why at the age of six, I knew that I was different because when I looked at my uncle’s Hustler or other magazines that portrayed both men and women, I never looked at the women. I was so enthralled and excited even at that young age to be looking at a naked man’s body. I wonder why it took me so long to stop wetting my bed or even crapping in my bed? Was it for attention, I only received bad attention and my parents would make me go to school smelling like piss and shit.

I wonder why when I was in grade school, I would steal other people’s lunches and lie about – knowing the punishment at home would be to eat five or six jalapeno peppers and then being locked in my room. When I was in middle school I would steal from the little convenience store because I was always hungry. Ironically, when I was 22 years old I worked at that same convenience store as a Circle K and was accused by my manager of stealing while he was on District Manager ordered vacation. When that happened, I decided to show him how it was done and embezzled over 10K dollars in cash, money orders and merchandise in the period of two days. Mind you, I turned myself in on election day 1988 when George H. W. Bush was elected president. And was sentenced to 18 years in the Texas Department of Criminal Justice Institutional Division. I ended up doing almost two years – but I digress.

I wonder why at the age of 12, while my parents were going through a bitter divorce, again neither one of them wanted me. Mind you, yes, I was a troubled child and pre-teen, who wouldn’t be considering the lack of love and positive attention that was not received. I wonder why during the divorce proceedings the judge determined that it would be best if I were placed an institution for troubled and mentally challenged children. On September 13th 1979, after having spent the better part of a year in multiple group homes, I arrived at The Devereaux Foundation in Victoria, Texas. By the way, this was the day before my 13th birthday on September 14th. I asked if I would be able to talk to my mother on my birthday and I was told no. No calls or visits for the first 90 days. I guarantee this 12-year-old threw the biggest hissy fit to the point that my father who dropped me off with my current case manager insisted that my mother be able to call me on my birthday.

I wonder while at Devereaux, why I was allowed to what at the origination of it was a molestation of me by a boy who was two years older than me. His name was Randy Maggard and I still remember the day he told me that he wanted to plug me. I didn’t know what he meant but I was to find out. I will say that Randy and I had what I would a very consensual sexual relationship for almost three years until I left Devereaux in October 1982. Mind you, I was only supposed to be there for a year and yet my father felt compelled to pay the $2K a month to keep me there. In 1982 I went home to my mother and my sister Cindy.  

I wonder why at the age sixteen I continued to feel unwanted other than by my sisters. I started high school and I began that first job at McDonalds. I wonder why one night when I came home from work I learned that my mother had pawned the only possession that I had bought with earned money at Devereaux, my stereo. It was bad enough I had to sleep in the living room and then at one point because I wanted privacy, I slept in the bathroom. I wonder why at the age sixteen I became almost professional at shoplifting, clothes, books, cigarettes, meats – anything I fit into my clothes – was a target. I wonder why my mother encouraged me and often made requests of what she wanted me to shoplift. I wonder why I also became a pretty good check passer for a time. But both of these came to a quick halt after a couple of arrests.

This is just a taste of my earlier years. What I do not wonder about anymore is why me? Why did I have to become infected with HIV/AIDS on New Year’s Eve 1995 going into 1996? I know longer wonder why I am the child in our family who has been hit so hard with the addiction/alcoholism gene that runs on both sides of the family I believe. I no longer wonder why I am so beat down sometimes because of my bipolar affectation disorder and depression. I no longer wonder why I absolutely continue to sabotage myself every time something good is happening for me. Ok, that last one was a lie – I will never stop wondering  why that continues in my life.

Why do I no longer wonder about the above? Because I am unapologetic for being me because GOD does not make mistakes. I am who I am and yes, I am created in his image, only with flaws which makes me a continuous work in progress!!!

That’s what’s in “My Rattled Cage” today, thanks for stopping by!!

 

 

 

 

 

Blogging from A to Z April 2018: Thankful

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Blogging from A to Z April 2018

So, to be cliché, I am very thankful that God woke me up this morning sober and clean. I am thankful for my husband Cruz and our seven four-legged babies Missy, Crissy, Little Bitty, Zailey, Sadie, Stitchy and Tippy. I am thankful for my father and stepmother and for Cruz’s mother. I am thankful for my sisters Lori and Cindy, their husbands Nicky and Doug; my nieces and their partners Rachel and Bryan, Britney, and Cassie and Ricky, Ashley and David, Tasha and Bubba and of course my great nieces and nephews Madi, Skyler, Hailey, Sophia, Bryson, Kyle and Colton, Nathen and Kaden.

But to be un-cliché, I am thankful that I have THRIVING not just SURVIVING with HIV/AIDS for over 21 years. I am thankful that I am able to be rigorously honest about my alcoholism and addiction to cocaine of which I am a daily work in progress in recovery. I am thankful that I am clinically diagnosed with depression and bipolar affectation disorder. I am also thankful that as I get younger and prettier (BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA) that my body is falling apart and that other surgeries could be in my future. Why am I thankful for all of this? Because it gives me a voice and plenty of writing material.

That’s what’s in “My Rattled Cage” today, thanks for stopping by!!

 

 

 

What has me rattled today!